Recruiting and Dating

Internship recruiting in business school is ruthless. It plays with the emotions of students and their families far too much. It dangles our hopes and dreams right in front of our faces and makes us feel powerless to attain them. I've learned that it doesn't matter whether you feel like you nailed or bombed an interview. It's a crap shoot. There is nothing more frustrating than watching someone you love work and struggle and do his best to attain something, and know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to ensure that everything will work out. It's all up to somebody else. Right now, it's really hard to rely on faith alone.

I've been venting to some of my wonderful lady friends lately, and we've come to a miserable conclusion: internship recruiting is like dating.

Oh the wonderful and miserable world of dating.

You put yourself out there among a "strong candidate pool" of single people, do everything you can to impress, spend hours perfecting your appearance. You "build up your resume" with interesting experiences and talents that will attract attention and spark conversation, and put all your energy into conveying your vibrant personality, sneaking your strengths and accomplishments into casual conversation so you'll look good. You show up to certain events for the chance to connect with potential "matches," maybe let yourself be led on by a few one-on-one dates, getting your hopes up for what could be before the deal is sealed...

And then SLAM! Rejected! You're dumped.

You weren't exactly the right fit, and you'll never know why. All those dreams of what could've been are shattered and tossed in the garbage. No second chances. You plead, "what did I do?!" but you never get a specific answer, so you worry about repeating the same mistakes the next time around. Then, left alone and forgotten, you are forced to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and mend them quickly, because time's a-wastin' and you can't afford to miss another opportunity on something so important. Perhaps the same thing happens again with a different party.

And again.

And again.

And again.

That's just how it goes. No magical remedy. You can't force someone to love you, just like you can't force a company to employ you. These are the unfair parts of life that simply suck.

Don't get the wrong idea. Our future is not down the toilet yet. It's just incredibly nerve-racking to go through this process in a constant state of wonder and anxiety. These internships largely determine the career paths of MBA students. Most people get full-time offers from the company they intern for. If not, all this recruiting has to be done again next year. Not a fun idea. I know that everything will be okay and that Matt will find something because he is my Superman. I just wish I wasn't so utterly useless in the process.

I know this is a downer of a post. Just a therapeutic way to let my feelings out. I don't mean to kill hope. After all, you few Booth business guys out there who might actually read this and are looking for internships, remember: You made it out of the dating world, so you can make it through this!

I feel the urge to relate a dating story that I feel both good and bad about for different reasons. Try not to judge. I recently woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it, and how I'm currently having the same feelings of discomfort that I had as a junior in high school.

When I was sixteen, my friends and I decided to get a big group together to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Since I wasn't allowed to date until I was sixteen, this dance was the kind of thing I had looked forward to all of my childhood. I had always pictured myself having an amazing boyfriend as soon as I was old enough to publicly display affection. (It's true, Mom...I liked boys even before I turned sixteen! Gasp!) We wouldn't even have to ask each other to dances because it was just assumed that we'd come and go together everywhere. And that we'd be the king and queen of everything, of course. At least that's how it was planned in my head.

As the Sadie Hawkins dance came around, not only did I not have a boyfriend, but I wasn't even interested in anyone at school. And that was weird for me, because I was pretty darn boy-crazy. There I was with no idea who I would ask to the dance and with most of my guy friends already being "Dibs-ed".

In the search for a date, I grew desperate enough to look at the guys in my stake. There were very few of them my age, and even fewer of them who I'd spent time with enough to randomly ask out. I saw that one of them passed my very shallow checklist of decent-looking, funny, and semi-comfortable around girls. We'll call him Elmer. Elmer was a grade older than me. I had gone to Sunday School with him for years, but we hadn't talked enough to be considered real "friends." Regardless, this was an opportunity to appease my parents by going out with someone from church, so I got up some guts and asked him (in a traditionally creative way) to the dance. When Elmer accepted, I told him I'd figure out all the details with my friends and let him know the plan later. To my surprise, I actually grew excited to go out with him. Rather than just seeing Elmer as a fill-in date, I actually entertained the idea of us clicking. It was weird, but I became a little hopeful.

A couple of days before the dance, we had a pep assembly at school to gear up for something I probably didn't care about. As I was sitting in the Juniors section of the bleachers waiting for the rest of the students to file in, I caught a glimpse of Elmer walking over to the Seniors section. I shot my hand up to wave him over, but stopped suddenly when I noticed a slightly discomforting detail. Walking right next to him was a girl I had never seen before. Holding his hand. About ten feet in front of me. I slowly lowered my half-raised hand in confusion, trying to figure out why Elmer would agree to be my date when he already had a girlfriend. If he had been my close friend and I knew everyone was okay with the situation, things might be different. But this? This girl who would probably hate me before she even met me for taking out her man? I didn't even know if I could beat her in a girl fight, and I wasn't ready to find out.

I consulted my friends immediately. This was my last year in high school (long story) and the only girl's preference dance I would be able to attend in my youth. I didn't want to waste it on some guy I wasn't even real friends with who would be thinking about his upset girlfriend all night. So after a day of deliberation, I called Elmer to excuse him from being my date. I told him my thoughts and was determined to be strong. He had hurt my feelings by not telling me about his relationship and made me feel like a fool. I would not express sympathy, even when Elmer told me that he still really wanted to go. I kept asking why he would want to be my date when I was sure he'd have more fun with his girlfriend.

Ready for the curveball? Elmer finally told me the truth, which took the form of a devious plan toappease his parents by going out with a girl from church. Slam. He probably didn't even like me at all. I realize that this was the exact same reasoning I had for inviting him in the first place, but for some reason it was NOT OKAY that he was using me while I was trying to use him. I was angry. So was Elmer, because apparently he needed to make his mother happy much more than I did. We (I) decided that the date was off. I know, I'm a jerk.

With only one day to find a new date, I turned to my friends to set me up. I ended up going with some other senior that my friend knew, who I had never even talked to before. Luckily, he was a fun guy who didn't make things awkward, meshed well with our friends, and agreed that we didn't have to stick together the whole night on the dance floor. It ended up being a ridiculously fun night! Also, he was totally cool with my costume idea. The theme was "occupations", and thinking that Doctor and Nurse was a little too boring, a few of us decided to dress up as rock stars. Our costumes involved a lot of old clothes that we ripped up and safety-pinned back together for a hard-core look. In my temporary bitterness toward my ex-date h from church, I ripped up my shirt a little too much and wore one side sleeveless. Don't hate me for it. Again, I was sixteen.

Anyway, I know that was a long story, but I promise there is a point (other than assuaging my desire to rehash and relive a fun high school memory in a time when there was much less responsibility and much more drama). Lately, I have been feeling like I want to be thatirresponsible. This particular time in business school is difficult, stressful, and inconvenient. I know we already committed to 21 months of intense labor and subsequently paying off an insane amount of debt. That's been the plan all along.

But recently, I feel like I did when I was sitting on the bleachers that day in the pep assembly. I feel like there's a whole new part to the story that I didn't expect. It's like business school (specifically internship recruiting) has a secret mistress. Her name is Uncertainty, Politics, Anxiety, Fatigue, Insanity....Okay, so there are a lot of "mistresses". My point is, sometimes I feel like it would all be easier to just break up with business school right now before the possibility of disappointment hits. I doubt I would ever be so irresponsible on such an important issue, but those are my weak, immature feelings.

Life really isn't miserable here. I'm surrounded by wonderful people who make life enjoyable! There's just been a constant daunting feeling of worry in the background of every conversation lately. We're all scared that we won't get jobs and won't be able to pay off our school debt. And we're all forced to keep smiles on our faces through the interview process and hold on to hope. Insanity! We'll all just have to get through it together.

By the way, "Elmer" and I are cool now. That little spat didn't ruin our semi-friendship in any way. I still see him sometimes when I go home to visit. Things have a way of working out with time. Hopefully it will be the same with school and careers.

Banoffee + Rock Band = Warm Fuzzies

This is a seriously effective formula.

What in the world is BANOFFEE, you ask??

Allow me to change your life!

Last weekend we had some friends over for dessert after hearing the shocking news that they had never experienced banoffee. If this word doesn't make sense to you, just smush the words "banana" and "toffee" together and imagine the magic of that union.

Matt and I learned about this delectable dessert about a year ago in Arizona when we went out to eat at a British pub/restaurant called "The Cornish Pasty". (A pasty is kind of like a calzone, but better!) Their featured dessert is banoffee pie, which originated in a British pub. I wasn't too excited to try it because my usual dessert motto is: If it's not chocolate, it's not worth it. However, this one is a true exception. The combination of homemade caramel sauce, buttery graham cracker crust, and fresh ripe bananas topped with real whipped cream is positively sinful! And double bonus: it's ridiculously easy to whip up! (Depending on how "homemade" you want to go.)

After looking through a bunch of recipes and not really finding one that matched our vision, here's the recipe we came up with:

Ingredients:

2 cups crushed graham crackers (about 14 big crackers?)

2-3 tablespoons sugar

1 stick of butter, melted

a bunch of ripe bananas, sliced

8 oz. heavy cream for whipping

about 2 cups homemade caramel sauce (We used the "buttermilk syrup" recipe from OurBestBites.com, just thickened it a little more.)

**All these amounts depend on your preferences and how many people you are feeding. We did a build-it-yourself bar and doubled everything for 10 adults, and still had plenty of extra. This recipe would probably feed 5-6 people.

CRUST ~ Crush up graham crackers in a sealed zip-top back. This is really fun for the kids to help with. When it resembles coarse crumbs, pour graham into 9"x13" pan. Mix in the sugar. Pour the melted butter on top and mix until all the crumbs are moist. Then press down evenly in the pan and bake at 350 for about 10 minutes or until golden brown.

This step is just to toast the graham so it's nice and crispy. If you want to cut calories you can just use plain old graham cracker crumbs without any baking. It still tastes good...just not ASgood.

CARAMEL SAUCE ~ While the crust is baking, you can get started on the caramel sauce. Like I said, we used the "buttermilk syrup" recipe from Ourbestbites.com because it is much more like caramel than syrup. And it's really quick and easy to make. Check out the link. Otherwise, just pop open and heat a jar of your favorite caramel ice cream topping from the store.

WHIP ~ Pour the heavy cream in your mixer bowl and beat it for a few minutes until it thickens into the consistency of a whipped topping. If you want it to be a little sweeter, add a couple teaspoons of powdered sugar and a little vanilla extract. Again, I'm sure pre-made whipped cream from a can would work too, I'm just not a fan.

ASSEMBLY for individual servings ~ Take a bowl, dump in some graham cracker crust, layer bananas on top, then pour desired amount of caramel over all. Top with whipped cream (and a few more graham cracker crumbs or even Heath bar chunks if you want it to look fancy).

Lots of people do this layering in a pie plate and then chill it like a pie, but I figure if you do it assembly-line-fashion, everyone can create their own perfect ratio of crust to bananas to caramel. What I love about this dessert is that it is SO quick and easy to make. You only need a few ingredients on hand and it can be assembled in time to calm your craving. Especially if you make a lot of the caramel and keep it in your fridge.

Now enjoy, and feel good about yourself because half of this dessert is fruit! Just make sure you're in a comfortable chair when you sit down to eat, because you'll probably want to scarf enough to put you in a sugar coma for the night.

I'm pretty sure our friends loved the banoffee too, since this post is partially in response to requests for the recipe. Nothing like sharing a great dessert and a hard-core Rock Band jam session to make you appreciate good friends. It was a fun night.

There are so many things I love about this picture:

1. Vanessa's hard core rocker face, pouty lips and zoned-in expression unaffected by the cute little crazed fan trying to climb up her arm. She was rockin' that bass!

2. Lincoln's face, totally in character, probably straining to hit a high note perfectly, while his left hand throws out gang-like signs to emphasize the lyrics. He's a natural rock star!

3. Adorable little Brooklyn sitting behind her daddy taking a picture of the TV. She was our little photographer all night. I think she captured every last inch of our apartment, including the nastiness of our garbage can.

4. Matt sitting tight in "ready position" with his drum sticks, waiting for his moment of glory.

5. Sam biting his lower lip in deep concentration and determination. He's the only one of us who actually has been in a rock band. He's got crazy skills. That kind of reputation adds pressure to the task of performing in a music video game, so I can understand the intensity.

6. Joshua sitting in the middle of everything, yet not giving a hoot about any of it. It's kind of nice when he enters his own little world like that.

Too bad I wasn't in the picture to be made fun of. I guess that's my reward for taking the pictures and sitting out for a while. (...Matt!)

***Note: I did NOT take the beautiful photos of the food above. Found 'em online. Sorry if that's cheating.

AZ Family Graduation and the Shirtless Wonder

December graduates don't get much of a hurrah for finishing mid-year. Especially the ones who finish up through Independent Study. I have the option of flying out to BYU to walk at graduation in April, but that would be expensive, bad timing, and just not worth it for me.

However, my graduation did not go uncelebrated. In Redding, my mom took me shopping and called all my new clothes Christmas/graduation presents. Matt's parents sent me a beautiful gardenia plant in November after I sent in the portfolio for my very last class. And finally, in Arizona, they held a surprise graduation ceremony for me in Judge Snow's courtroom!

It was on a Sunday after church so we were all still dressed up in our fancies and no business was going on in the court house. The family all took their seats in the jury box, except for Murray who was the honorable master of ceremonies. Andrew played "Pomp and Circumstance" on his ipod while I marched through the big back doors, down the isle, and up to my comfy rolling chair in front of everyone. I'm a little bit nervous about being the center of attention, so I felt kind of silly, but it was fun. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the bright yellow cap and gown I was supposed to wear (a set from Matt's high school) was forgotten at home. Darn.

To my surprise, this was a legitimate, planned program. Matt's grandma stood up and told a story about her own experience going to BYU, and the struggle and sacrifice she faced to attend this school without any support from her parents. It really made me appreciate the support system my family has been and the fortunate circumstances in my life that have made it fairly easy to get an education. Then Matt's dad said a few words about how proud he was and the determination it takes to finish school once you've left campus and started a family. He mostly just puffed up my ego so I won't mention any more details here. It was very, very nice.

Then apparently it was my turn to give an off-the-cuff "valedictorian" speech. This was difficult, since I'm the kind of person who can't even bear my testimony in church without thinking it through first. I kind of just spit out some thank-yous and didn't know what else to say, especially since I didn't have any fellow graduates to congratulate. A big "Yay me!" London-Tipton-style didn't seem quite appropriate, even though that's secretly what I wanted to do.

After the "speeches", Matt posed in the tradition of shaking my hand and handing me a diploma, and the family brought me some gorgeous flowers and loaded gift cards. Yes, I've already spent them. Josh had the most fun strolling around with my little pink and red gift bag slung over his shoulder like a true shopaholic. A little too femme for Matt's liking, but I thought it was cute.

And of course, what's a party in the courthouse without some pictures sitting on the judge's throne?

My real diploma came in the mail yesterday. Look, Mom and Dad! PROOF that I was really doing schoolwork this whole time! I wasn't making it up just to make you proud!

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Now for a couple of random AZ moments. One day over break, the three of us were able to drive to Gilbert to visit some of our friends from Matt's Accenture days. Jack and Megan recently had their first baby, a beautiful little boy they call Trey. He was so precious! I was a little worried that Josh wouldn't like me holding another baby and would get jealous and aggressive. But when he noticed me sitting on the floor with little Trey, he walked over, bent down really close, seemed to evaluate the situation in his head for a minute, then pointed to Trey's little ear and said "baby's ear!" He was sooooo sweet and gentle as he stroked the baby's hair and pointed out all his facial features. He even gave Trey a little kiss on the forehead! That just melted my heart. Nothing makes you baby hungry like watching your little one act so grown up and gentle with a newborn.

There were a lot of gorgeous Arizona days around Christmas. One day the family decided to hit the driveway to play some basketball. Playing sports with family has got to be one of my favorite things. When we grow up and become a real family with a real home, we will definitely have a sport court available for our enjoyment 24/7. Anyway, Josh really got into it. He worked up a sweat chasing balls all over the yard.

A gentle game of tug-o-war?

Josh and his best friend (Grandma or the dog? Which picture is this caption for? I guess we'll never know...)

I can't. Get. Over. This. Picture. He looks like such a big boy with a secret agenda. Such an expression of mischief and avoidance of guilt. I don't know who he's looking at, but he's pointing at Matt as if to blame him for something that Josh clearly did. Two pointed fingers + shifty eyes + furrowed brows + bulging gut = "Don't MESS with the boss!"

Andrew teaching Josh a new cheer?? Keep those arms straight and strong!

Watch out for this sneaky little prowler peeking through your window.

Matt and Josh hogging some Christmas popcorn while Bailey watches with longing eyes. Matt really is the best dad there ever was. I don't know where that comment came from. I guess this picture reminds me how much fun they have together.

We miss you, Arizona. And sunshine. Hopefully we'll see you soon.

Christmas Snapshots

I'm still trying to catch up from Christmas so I don't forget any of the wonderful details of our trip. Matt's family has a few unfailing Christmas Eve traditions. Way more than in my house growing up, so it's really fun to play along. A big one is their Christmas Eve dinner and program. Each year they invite a bunch of people over who, as my in-laws explain it, "don't have anywhere better to go" (as if there were such a thing as a better offer). Usually it's a random assortment of ward members and old friends. Matt's dad always make Swiss steak and a yummy yule log cake, which are traditions he learned on his mission in France. After dinner, everyone there has to perform some kind of talent, whether it's singing, sharing a Christmas story, or something more creative. One year someone actually taught a quick origami lesson, and another ate an entire pumpkin pie for his talent. It's always a good time. This year, like most years, I played the piano while Matt and his siblings sang. I almost broke out "Joy to the World" on the harmonica, but didn't want to ruin the nice reverent feelings that developed. Here are the pictures from that night...

Laughing with funny Aunt Stephanie

With this expression, I feel like Josh should have a cigar in his mouth instead of a sippy cup. He looks like a mobster offering someone a sleazy deal.

Steph's devious grin shows how much fun she had with that whoopy cushion. I still have no idea where it came from.

The Ma and Pa working in the kitchen.

Some of our lovely dinner guests...

Every year, this wonderful woman makes the most delicious twelve-layer jello and brings it over. It's legendary. It's worth more than gold at the Snow house. Really -- if you don't stuff your face as fast as possible as soon as it's served, someone else might eat your share and you definitely have no hope of getting seconds. It's that good.

A tradition with the yule log involves a small toy that is hidden inside the cake. Whoever finds the toy in their piece gets to be "king/queen for the day." It just so happens that this lovely lady found the toy and got to proudly wear a crown all night. (A little secret: it was her birthday! We totally rigged the tradition for her. Sneaky, I know.)

Christmas morning was a hit! Josh was old enough to actually enjoy the wrapping paper AND the toys this year. And I wish I wish I wish I had captured the look on his face when he came out Christmas morning and saw the treasures Grandma and Grandpa had set out for him. This picture in his new little tent and tunnel set will have to do. I think the drool and wide eyes capture his excitement pretty well.

Crossed eyes? They won't let him fly a real plane like that.

Matt found a yummy can of cream of chicken soup in his stocking. Lucky boy.

Mr. and Mrs. Claus were pretty pooped later that morning. And with good reason! (Sorry Cheri, I couldn't resisit!)

It was so nice to be somewhere warm enough to play outside with Josh! He loved that old swing set!

Josh with pretty Aunt Michelle, all dressed up in their Christmas presents for a family lunch date at Red Robin.

How 'bout that? Warm enough outside that the fountain water combined with the wind doesn't freeze a toddler's hand off!

Our little African tribal prince! He would put this box on the ground and then turn almost upside-down to jam his big head into it. Weird kid.

One more post about Christmas coming soon! Then I'll be done. Promise!

Winter Projects

Recently, since I've no longer been obligated to spend my free time reading/writing/studying, I have gone on a creative BINGE. I say "binge" because I can't think of the right word to describe the disgusting amount of yarn and fabric I've handled in the last two months. It's like all of my schoolwork was suppressing every creative desire I've had for years, and suddenly when I finished school, my inner-grandma exploded out of my skin and started working as if there were no clothing stores for a hundred miles and everything had to be hand-made.

I had quite a bit of free time over Christmas break with so much family around to occupy Josh, so here is what I did:

I made these ties for my little man to wear to church. They really aren't that hard or time consuming, once you get the first one down. Thanks so much to my dear friend Amber for providing the tutorial on her blog! (She's a genius seamstress.)

Here's a secret....This one I actually started making for someone else, but I liked it so much that I kept it for myself! (Don't tell me you've never done that.) I learned to crochet in November, so for me, this shell stitch was new and exciting.

I didn't get a picture of the finished product, but I knit a scarf for my eleven-year-old sister Julia out of this bright yarn. The colors reminded me of something Hannah Montana would wear, and I just couldn't resist!

This was my first, and therefore least attractive, project. I tried to knit a nice warm scarf for Matt, but I didn't realize that the stockinette stitch would curl so much. So...

...I tried again a couple of days ago and crocheted this one for him instead. I made another one just like it for Matt's sister Stephanie for Christmas, except it was pink and white (no picture available).

I kind of wanted to keep this curly one too. It went to my big sister. She has gorgeous auburn hair, which I think will look great with the colors.

It turns out that I had just enough extra yarn to make a baby hat for my cousin's new little girl.

My mom helped me sew this cute jean skirt. She actually did all the hard parts so it would be finished before I left. I just did the simple tedious work. WAY cheaper than buying a skirt in a store, and easier than finding one that actually fits the right way. I don't think this set me back more than $4.

You see these colors and think "grandma", right? I hope so, because that's who I gave it to.

This was my second attempt to crochet a hat for my teenage brother, Steven. The first was too big, and this one ended up looking too girly, so I made a flower and stuck it on there for Julia. In my third attempt, I just ended up knitting a beanie for Steven on the loooong ride to the airport. The stitch looked more manly, but I'm still not sure if it actually fit him. Good practice anyway.

This was a little Christmas present I made for Matt's brother Andrew. He likes green.

And here is Matt's sister Michelle wearing her new scarf on Christmas morning (probably to humor me). I made all of his siblings things to keep them warm since they are all living in Provo this winter. Plus they are cheap gifts and we have no money.

After all that, you'd think I would be tired of yarn. Not just yet. Inspired by my lovely friend Carina, a few days ago I ordered this book:

There is so much more to learn! I always like to have my hands busy, so crocheting is great while chatting, watching Josh at the Tot Lot, or riding in the car (but not driving). I have a lot more winter ahead of me, so I'm glad I found an indoor activity that I enjoy.