Happy Valentine's Day!

First off, I have to say in advance that this is Matt. Important information, considering the subject matter.

So, happy Valentine’s Day, to everyone! One of our new favorite shows, called “Community” (NBC, Thursday nights) has a very funny character called Abed. Aside from looking like a Human/Pterodactyl hybrid, Abed is known for comparing everything to people and situations in movies. So, on this Valentine’s Day, here is my Abed-style valentine’s card to my lovely wife.

So, to start off, why is Mimi so great? I’m sure that that reason is different for each of you, but there isn’t anyone reading this who doesn’t think so. It is one of the greatest thrills of my life to be able to spend all my free time with her. To compare, it would be like or a 14 year old girl (or my buddy Lincoln) living with Justin Timberlake. I have to say, that every time I come home, I get as excited as Augustus Gloop entering the chocolate factory, just because I know that my best friend in the whole world is there waiting for me.

Mimi is, quite literally, the perfect woman. Before I met her, I had three lists of things I was looking for in a lady – namely, the “must-haves”, the “nice to haves” and the “Hey, a guy can dream, right?”. Mimi had every single thing on all of my lists, and then as I got to know her I realized that she was wonderful in a ton of ways that I didn't even know that I was supposed to be looking for. Meeting Mimi was like being the panhandling hobo on UHF. I was hoping to get some spare change, and I ended up getting a double die Denver mint penny that was worth a fortune (“I had enough money to buy a whole bunch of shares, plus I got this neat watch. It’s a Rolex! See?”)

Everyone knows that Mimi is absolutely gorgeous, so much fun to be around, incredibly intelligent, very caring, a great mom, and spiritually in-tune. These are wonderful things that I don’t want to discount. But you all already KNOW that stuff. A Valentine’s Day card about that would be the equivalent of the six-fingered man asking Inigo Montoya “Did you know I was once acquainted with your father?”. So here are three things that I didn’t expect to need in a wife, but am SO grateful that I’ve got.

1.) I love the fact that Mimi is brilliantly, devastatingly clever. She makes Wayne Brady look like Brick Tamland buying suits in the toilet store. She has an incredibly sharp wit and impeccable comedic timing. Some of you might not even know this about her, because many of her best jokes are whispered into my ear and end up staying just between us. That being said, it is very obviously shown in the things she writes. Even reading over poems and short stories she wrote in the 6^th grade make me laugh out loud. I don’t doubt that she’ll write and compile something amazing in the near future. Watch out Shel. Your stranglehold on the minds of elementary school students is not forever.

2.) Mimi is a baller. While this term is typically used to describe one who is skilled at basketball, that’s not the area I’m focusing on here (even though I still haven’t managed to beat her even ONCE in a free-throw shooting contest or HORSE). Mimi is a very adventurous person. From our very first date when she said “Hey, lets go to Vegas”, to teaching ourselves how to make wedding cakes, to the uncertainty about where the money is going to come from over the next few years, Mimi isn’t afraid to take chances. I know that regardless of who/what/where our future holds, we’re going to attack it together, because that’s the way we roll. I love that about her. Its like being married to She-Ra, only more awesome.

3.) You know the scene in the Matrix when Neo learns how to fight? (Don’t worry—I would NEVER compare my wife to the Artist Formally Known as Ted Theodore Logan. Just keep reading.) He starts out a normal guy and then they plug him into this computer, and give him decades of Kung-Fu experience in the space of 30 seconds. I am pretty convinced that Mimi has one of these machines and is holding out on me. One day she’ll decide she wants to learn something new, and the next day she is doing it as if she has been teaching University level classes on the subject for 20 years. Mimi could be doing anything she wanted right now. She has 100% unlimited potential, with so much natural talent and learning ability that she makes the rest of us mere mortals look silly.

I’ll never REALLY be able to tell Mimi how much I appreciate her, and how lucky I feel every single day that she is my wife. As far as being suave and debonair is concerned, I would probably say that I’m on par with Kenneth Parcell. Nonetheless, the best part of it all is that even after 4 years, I am still recognizing new things about her that I couldn’t live without, and I don’t think that is going to change any time soon.

Happy Valentine’s Day Deer Heart. I love you.