Moms

Moms are the best. Motherly figures in general, really. I love Mother's Day because it not only gives me an excuse to lay around all day and get served fancy meals by my husband while he balances both children on his head, but it also gives me a chance to tell the moms in my life how much I appreciate them.

I will start with my first mother, the one who gave birth to me, along with my obsessive love for chocolate and babies.

Anyone who knows my mom will agree that she is an exceptional human being. Anyone who has had her as a Primary teacher or Young Womens leader or classroom mom or pseudo-mom or neighbor or friend cannot deny that at some point they wished they could BE her! Let me try to tell you why. There are a lot of ways I could do this, but I'll start by relating some of the lessons my mom tried to teach me growing up.

Things my mom wanted me to learn from her, but that never fully caught on:

-- Never wear white shoes after Labor Day, or black shoes after Easter. (I think.)

-- Don't call boys. Let boys call you.

-- When someone bakes something for you, never return their dish empty.

-- If it's not good quality chocolate, it's not worth the calories.

-- Squeeze your buns while you walk and your tummy while you drive -- that's how to stay tight.

-- Doing chores halfway is a waste of time. Do a great job or don't bother.

-- Girls don't wear grubby T-shirts and basketball shorts to school unless they want to look like boys. Think ruffles and lace, flowers and bows!

Okay I think you get the idea. My mom is a classy lady. She is hyper-feminine but an awesome athlete. Prim and proper but with a great sense of humor. A princess who's not afraid to work. While she tried to pass on some of these traits to me, I'm afraid they stuck better with my other siblings. I'm not big on one-liners. Instead, here are some of what I consider to be the most truly valuable things I have learned from my mom, through her example.

Things I actually learned from my mom:

Lesson #1)    Where much is given, much is required.

I have an amazingly talented mother. First of all, she is a crazy good pianist. Because of this, she has often doubled-up on callings in church, rotating with the organist, filling in last minute in Relief Society or Primary. She is so good at sight-reading that people often take advantage of her talent, bringing a song to her right before church on Sunday and expecting her to provide flawless accompaniment an hour later. And she always pulls it off. Where much is given, much is required.

She has had some big responsibilities in church aside from music, which take a lot of her time and patience and stretch her creativity to the limit. I think she is given big challenges sometimes because the Lord knows she can handle it. Also, my mom has a great ability to make people feel loved and supported no matter their lot in life. Many times she has felt burdened with information because people naturally want to confide in her and get her advice on sensitive issues. I believe it's because she has so much to offer. When you have brains and strength and talent and a heart like hers, you can't expect that anyone will let it go to waste.

Lesson #2)    Life is not fair.

Bad things and hard times happen to good people who don't deserve them. And vice versa. Not everyone gets the same rewards and the same punishments in life. Not all kids in a family are treated exactly the same. This is a lesson I have struggled with from the time I was four years old and my parents started letting my big sister stay up half an hour later than me. Or when my siblings and I would fight but I'd be the only one sent to time out. Or when my little sister got to start wearing make-up at a younger age than I did. Yes, I vividly remember those bitter feelings of injustice from my childhood!

I'm just now finally understanding what she was trying to teach me. Everyone needs different treatment according to their personal challenges, and that's not just true for children. Everyone has different life experiences, whether they deserve them or not, and sometimes you just have to DEAL. Everything will probably not come out equal in the end, but that's how it's supposed to be.

Lesson #3)      Family always comes first. ALWAYS.

In this area, my mom is one of the least selfish people I know. She gives everything to her family. Besides the regular mom stuff like feeding, clothing, cleaning, and nurturing her five kids for the last 26 years, she has taken on so much extra work for us. I can't tell you how many hours she has spent sewing modest prom dresses and altering swimsuits so that she could teach her girls about modesty while making us feel stylish and beautiful. Or how many weeks she spent serving at girls camp so we wouldn't feel homesick. Or how many miles she has driven to take us to BYU summer camps or to visit us in our now faraway lives. No task is too great or small if it is for her children. Through example, my mom has always taught me that motherhood is the greatest thing a girl can look forward to, no matter what else she chooses to do in life.

And it's not only her kids that are a priority, but her parents and in-laws as well. For the last six years, she has had my dad's 90+ year old  mom living in the little apartment attached to our garage. Don't tell Grandma I said this, but she is not always the most cheerful and easy-going person to live with. (Maybe that's an understatement.) Also, since my mom's dad died last year, she has spent months caring for her lonely, diabetic, and recently injured mother. That's two grandmas in the same house, people, with two parents and three kids still living at home! I sometimes ask my mom if she's getting tired or annoyed by her life lately, but I can hardly get her to complain. In her opinion, this is just what family does. Sacrifice is no stranger to her.

On a less serious note, my mom also taught me that chocolate tastes the best when you eat it first thing in the morning, which I almost consider to be the best tip anyone has ever given me. Seriously, try it.

Anyway, I love you to pieces, Mommy.

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 Now don't fret, Cheri, I didn't forget about you!

Anyone who lives near us and sees us on a regular basis knows my mother-in-law, Cheri.  She comes around often. Even though about 1700 miles separate us, she does not let that keep her from seeing her grandsons at least every few months.  It makes us feel like we're worth all the time and the money and the effort she spends planning visits to wherever we are.

In the six or seven years I've known her, this woman has taught me a lot, as well:

-- Always put birthday cards in the mail early so they arrive on time. (Still working on that one.)

-- Always clean your house before you leave on a trip. That way if you die while you're out, the people going through your home and belongings later won't think you're a filthy slob.

-- The best Mexican food absolutely MUST be made by real Mexicans. That is the secret ingredient. There is no faking it.

-- Bargains and deals can be found every day, if you know where to look. But if there's anything worth spending money on, it's family.

-- Homemade chicken noodle soup is worth every minute of prep. I'll never go back!

Cheri has been as much of a mother to me as my own mom these last few years, and it would be impossible to repay her for everything she has given me and my children. We're talking about a woman who sent fancy chocolate covered strawberries packed in dry ice to my doorstep this week for Mother's Day! A present for me when I'm supposed to be honoring her??? I'm afraid to tell her she got the concept backwards because I don't want to send them back (and I've already eaten half of them).

She always goes above and beyond for her kids. She threw me a surprise graduation ceremony in the AZ federal courthouse when I wasn't able to fly to BYU to walk. If I ever get a random Amazon package in the mail and don't know who it's from, I can be 99% sure it was something she ordered for us just because. Or she'll call it an "early Christmas present" in April or May. She is frequently planting getaway ideas in Matt's head so she can have an excuse to come take care of our kids for a few days while we take a break. She makes me feel so loved, like I'm really part of the family, just another one of the siblings who's been around forever.

But most importantly, she lets me know in every way possible that she thinks I'm good enough for her precious little boy, Matthew. To get a mother's blessing from someone like Cheri, who has such a close relationship with her son and who tends to make her honest opinions known, is a big compliment and an even bigger comfort. I couldn't imagine marrying into a better family.

We had a little wall-hanging in our house growing up that said something like this, regarding mothers and their children:

 "They may not remember exactly what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

So true for me. Thanks to both of my mothers for teaching me how to be a mom and wife and a friend through your great examples. Happy Mother's Day.